so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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