i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
