Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize