I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize