I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
