38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
