why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
