as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
