There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We got so high we made milksteak
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
