My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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