ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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