If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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