I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
