Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
