i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
