we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
