I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
