yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My feet surprised me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
