Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
