Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
