When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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