Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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