i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
