There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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