I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize