She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
