just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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