I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
