Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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