Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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