I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
