Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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