Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
