lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
