the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
