I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
