Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
FUCK WHALES
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