even my farts smell like vagina
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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