He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
