GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
