Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
