I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
