you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
