I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
