Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
