I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
