I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
