That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
