i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
