It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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