Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
