The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The power of my boobs compel you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
