Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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