i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
