dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
