remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
