you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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