I think my vagina is haunted
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize