By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
