i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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