Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
