How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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