I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
