Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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