I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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