remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
