i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
