put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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