hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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