been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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