Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
